i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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