Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
