Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
