i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
