She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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