So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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