You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
