i don't like sucking hair
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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