This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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