Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
