My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
