i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
