I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
