It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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