If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
