im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
