Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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