I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
