I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
