Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
