We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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