The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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