Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
