see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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