I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
