he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
