It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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