garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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