Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
