Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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