lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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