the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
