But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
