I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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