i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
