just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
