I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
