Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
