Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
