Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OPIZZABONMYDICK
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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