if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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