Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
