I want to make a zoo with you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
