my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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