so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
