I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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