I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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