i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
