Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
