My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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