In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
