I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
