was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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