My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
