I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
