where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i've created a new STD.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
