Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
