there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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