Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
