I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
