I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just gift wrapped bread.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
