I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
