Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
